Was it a dream?

I was not in a good mood yesterday. I do not know why. Somehow I questioned myself why would I do something for someone to just be part of them. There are doubts and maybe now racing in my head, almost kill me emotionally completely. I listened to my mp3 and guess what? I hate all the songs now. I used to hum them, memorize them... but now I feel empty, incomplete... Like I used to tell Alif, “someone completes my life puzzle.” Maybe I am not happy to be here because I did change my mind – not to be here. However, deep inside of me tells me to go. Yes, there are a lot of challenges I have faced for past 5/6 months since I am here. One thing for sure no maid to ask clean my room, carry my shopping bags or to massage me when I am feeling tired. When I am sick there is always someone who takes care of me – my family, Datin, Lina, Anti Siah. Perhaps I am homesick or maybe I just want to quit being here. When the time gets to tough, sometime I do not know how to face the rest of my day BUT crying. Today, I just feel nothing, as if nothing ever happened in my life. I do not know if whatever I am doing is now right or wrong, if this is what I really wanted to do. There is nothing for me to think but to end the exam’s misery.... I guess, I don’t really care whatever I want in my life for now. In the end, you will not get it, if you do; you have to lose everything to start building the new you. Nevertheless, I feel all right today, the sun heats my body up and the cold breeze blowing to my face. It feels so awkward and weird, it makes me sick... overall, I did have a good day. Now at home, will do some revision before another class at 3-5pm, another non-motivation factor to go to school, long hours of class!!! Till now, hope to see you girls and guys again sooner with some updates on my marvellous trip to THE BONESS OF WINDEMERE LAKE.